MJ and me at 9 and a 1/2 weeks

So Mary Jane started out being okay with taking a bottle.

Now she is not.

Much to my despair. Much to my desire to feel a little freedom.

I've been frustrated and discouraged. I've been referring to Mary Jane (lovingly) as my little leech.

I love the girl. I mean, she's so stinkin' cute and has the sweetest smile. You can't help but smile when she does.

But I've been annoyed.

This morning at church I stepped out to feed her and listen to the sermon in the hallway. My good friend, Greta, sat down with me and asked how things were going and how it went when I left MJ with Jeremy for a few hours last night. I told her how Mary Jane cried and screamed the ENTIRE time except for the two twenty minute intervals in which she just passed out from being tired. (I was gone over 3 hours. My husband is a saint.)

Greta then asked, "Do you think she just wanted you?"

Yes, I think she's right. I started thinking that last night. I feel like it's less about the bottles and more about my little girl needing her mama. She wasn't starving when I got home; she had taken part of a bottle. But when Jeremy handed her to me, she immediately relaxed and fell asleep.

Greta shared her similar experience with her daughter, Ruby. I felt like the Lord was speaking some truth into my heart. I selfishly want my freedom back. But what is it that I really want back? Yes, I know it's okay for me to be tired and not love this BUT, at the same time, I have a little baby girl who wants me and just needs me. And it's probably going to only be for a few fleeting months.

I survived my husband's year long deployment to Iraq. I can handle a few months. Seriously.

By the time I left church, I felt more encouraged. My friend, Terri, reminded me a week or so ago that being a parent is "sacred work". God's entrusted these two little girls to me, to care for and love. And to ENJOY.

And sometimes it feels like the enjoyment part is the hardest part. And it should be the most fun. I don't want to live in "survival mode" EVERY SINGLE DAY. (Sure, I'm going to have those days and moments, of course. I've got two kids under the age of two.)

I really do love being a mom. And I love my girls. I love being home with them, playing with Claire and cuddling Mary Jane. I love seeing them already interact. I love teaching Claire new things and seeing Mary Jane's little personality come out. I love making our house feel like our home.

Anyway, I'm grateful for my friend and that she was willing to spend a few minutes with me today. I needed a heart adjustment even though I didn't realize it. I'm SO BLESSED to have friends with kids.

It really does take a village. Or, in my case, friends and a great church. And daily text messages to my mom and sister. :)

By the way, please take a close look at Mary Jane's crazy hair in this picture!