29 weeks

I feel like a new person today.  Honestly, it's totally weirding me out.  I've been trying to figure it out all day and I'm realizing it's because I've really had no contractions today.  I've felt normal.  My body isn't acting like it has a mind of it's own.

I think this whole situation is confusing.  I'm not sick.  I don't have HELLP syndrome again (Praise Jesus) and there isn't anything WRONG.  I'm just in preterm labor.  WAY too preterm.  (I've been dealing with this since 25 weeks)  My body is trying hard to go into labor and this little boy wants out.

I cannot stop thanking the Lord for my proactive doctor who discovered this in time to stop my labor.  And then for her referring me to a high risk doctor who is seriously doing everything to keep me from fully going into labor- and by doing everything in his power to keep me at home.  He has said a few times over the last couple of weeks that he could very well keep me in the hospital but every little change he makes in my treatment has kept this boy growing.

By the way, our boy is Abraham John Martin.  Feel free to pray for Abe by name. :)

The doctor said on Friday that, realistically, we'll be meeting Abe in the next few weeks.  As aggressive as we're being, we can't be much more especially around the 33 week mark.  Pray that Abe grows and develops.  I'm on a round of steroids now, just to prepare.

In the last few days I've had such encouraging conversations with friends and of read a lot of books that have been so challenging. Some include faith, but all have been biographies and autobiographies.  And about people struggling and surviving- at WAY more of a degree than I am.  In no way does this pregnancy compare to the stories I've read.  These people were fighting for their lives in scary circumstances; I am not.  Thank the Lord.

But I'm fascinated by people's stories.  That's why I love being a counselor/therapist.  And I miss being around people.  And, frankly, I've been isolated.  But these stories that I've been reading have also encouraged me to think about my purpose and appreciate my life.  It's so easy for me to isolate even further and give up.  I can throw a hell of a pity party.

Not being able to do anything, relying on people so much, can make you react in a lot of ways.  I've felt like a failure.  I've been mad.  Now I'm just grateful that this kiddo is still growing, I have time to re-appreciate every day life (which is HARD a lot of days with these little people), and I'm DONE with the pity party.  The reality is that this is a season that will be over quickly- too quickly- and the next challenge will be caring for our sweet boy who will most likely spend some time in the hospital once he's born.

So that's life right now.  I don't want to forget even this little bit of chaos.  Or the fact that I'm actually seeing this as a huge blessing and evidence of the Lord's love and care for me and my family.