My March Madness

So I've known that I would write this post for a while. I knew there wouldn't be a way around it, so here goes....

I've hated March for a few years now. Like 6 years. To me, it's the grayest, longest, yuckiest month. I'm definitely one of those people who's mood is greatly affected by the weather.

I think I really noticed it in 2005, the year that Jeremy was deployed to Iraq. His unit had just arrived in Iraq the month before, and for some reason, that month seemed soooooo long. Even when I look back, that was the slowest time during that whole year I was counting down days. Maybe it was just adjusting to the deployment way of life... maybe it was because the scary stuff started to happen.

I also remember that, on Young Life staff, some times that month seemed long just because I was paid once a month. 5 weeks is a long time to stretch a paycheck!

Then 3 years ago my Dad passed away VERY unexpectedly at 55 years old. In March. So not only do I normally just not like this month, suddenly it turned into a very sad month. The whole thing.

Now, here is the reason why I write this post: because I HAVE to honor God's faithfulness in turning something dark into something great. I HAVE to acknowledge God's hand in bringing Claire into this world 6 weeks earlier than her due date.

Claire's due date was April 29th, 2009. One year ago, I started to feel really yucky. A year ago this weekend, I was in Chicago for a family baby shower, not realizing that I was swelling up, my blood pressure was rising, my blood platelets were going down, and my liver was beginning to fail. I went into the hospital on March 16th because I thought my indigestion was becoming unbearable. Little did I know that I would find out that all those other things were happening and I was actually having contractions 5 minutes a part.

After two days of having my blood taken almost every hour and being on Mag Sulfate, my body just couldn't take it any more. HELLP Syndrome reared it's ugly head one last time and the doctor said he had to get Claire.

She was born at 10 pm on Wednesday, March 18, 2009, exactly six weeks early and exactly 48 hours after I was given steroids to help her lungs improve. She was perfect. We were told to not expect her to scream because she would probably have trouble breathing. She was yelling almost instantly, breathing room air on her own. Claire was perfect, and was apparently ready to make her appearance. She only stayed in the hospital 5 days after me in order to get her body temperature more regulated and to gain a little weight.

I thank God for Claire's birth. Of course, I'm just thankful for her, my first born. I'll be honest, I still struggle with the way she was born. I don't remember a lot of that week because I was so sick.

I see now the blessing of the experience. In the midst of a month I REALLY dislike, God gave me a daughter to celebrate every year. I really believe that He orchestrated this to turn some of my own sadness into celebration of new life. To not feel overwhelmed by feelings I deserve to have but to have joy in the midst.

Of course, I still tend to feel "icky" this month, and I miss my Dad terribly, but Claire is a wonderful blessing and has changed my feelings about this month. So thank you, Lord, for taking care of me and my family. For protecting me and my daughter through a scary time, and for Your perfect plan.

Psalm 139:13-18:

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you."

I'm so excited to celebrate Claire this week and have her party next weekend. We're eating cake at 1pm next Saturday, so come on by if you're around!!!